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Said ‘here is you holiday’.

Last night in my dream me and my sister went on holiday. We got to this enormous complex and every part of it we went to on the way to the reception was like a screen from an old Zelda game, completely hedged in with a gap in the hedge of either side and you had to walk a windy path to get to them.
The host of the complex introduced himself and gave us both books that had maps in and said ‘here is you holiday’, then showed us to our rooms.
We met up outside later and were going to go for an explore. She got out her book that had the map in it and we set off, we decided to go to the screen on the left.
We both went through the hedge, but when we got to the other side she had vanished. I looked at my map and it was different to hers. Hers had said we were going to one place, mine said we were going somewhere else. I was standing where mine said we’d be.
I went back to complain to the host that my sister had disappeared, and he asked to see my holiday. Confused, I asked him what he wanted and he just took my book off me and said ‘your holiday’. He studied the book, made some random sounds then asked what colour my sister’s book had been. I told him it was red. He said ‘yours is blue, that means you are on different holidays, so of course the map is different.’
I told him that was silly, but he said it wasn’t and wandered off.
About 2 minutes later my sister came back, asking where I had gone so I told her and she said it was silly too. Even though she hadn’t been gone long, according to her she’d been walking for hours through hundreds of screens and it looked like this place went on forever.
I decided I was going to a walk too, but I decided I’d leave my holiday book at home. I went the same way I’d gone last time, but this time it led to a small country lane that was outside the holiday complex, which was actually just the one field with nothing in it. No-one was there. I walked along the lane until I got to a small town. I went down some steps, then the steps started to move because the were somehow part of a train. It was too late to jump off.
I asked some people where this train went and they just laughed, so I told them I needed to get back to the holiday complex. They asked me which one I was on, so I told them the blue one. They said that was a good one, then asked if I was on the blue holiday what was I doing on a train, because that wasn’t part of it. I said that I’d left it behind and they said there was no way I could go back anyway then, so I just stayed on the train.

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This room that never used to exist.

Later, I dreampt there was a guy in a suit on his was to a building and nothing seemed liked it was wrong but then somehow the camera panned left into another reality and there were all these people in some sort of industrial club type thing and they’d fitted a parasite to the guys neck so he would do what they wanted. From their point of view he was just walking on the spot fighting the air but in his, and maybe our, reality he was just fighting everybody he saw like it was Street of Rage or something. And he was only on his way to work.
Then you noticed he had a comic in his pocket, and when you zoomed in to check out the comic you noticed that the eyes of the character on the cover were real, and the comic turned out to be another reality inside a comic. The author had written it so that the very act of reading it would change the other realities and allow him to start recruiting an army against the people in the industrial club thing. Sure enough, there was a panel in the comic showing a gap in the wall of the club and a girl investigating it, and this was actually happening in the club. The girl disappeared into the gap and was given her choice of weapons to use in taking out the evil parasite people before they destroyed the poor guys life. She chose a somehow portable gattling gun and it was awesome!
By now the guy had turned his office into a torture chamber and was throwing people from the roof. There was a party going on in the torture chamber because more people had been given the parasite. Loads of police were on their way to stop him. If you looked closely you could see actual people from the industrial club and from the army opposing them start appearing in his reality for a fight.
Everything ended rather suddenly and I was left on my own looking in the comic for the gap in the wall that would take me to the other other reality. I went through and there was just a dirty, abandoned room there that was filled with loads of my old stuff. A mate had borrowed it all year ago and then disappeared. His mum showed up, said that she hadn’t seen him for years either until he turned up in this room that never used to exist, wrote a comic, did something weird then disappeared again. He said I could have my stuff back. There was my Heroquest game, a massive stack of 2000AD’s and other comics, some films and a bunch of random toys. I tried gathering it all up to take home but couldn’t and his mum didn’t have a bag.

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I flew in Germany.

About all I remember from last nights dream is that I flew in Germany with my hand luggage completely filled with sour cream and cucumber chunks. The customs official was really confused because she’d never even heard of sour cream and wasn’t going to let me into the country with a bag filled with it. I managed to find her a crisp to dunk in it and she loved it and confiscated my bag so that she could eat all of the sour cream.

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Somehow the water was sentient.

In my dream last night we were living in something a lot like Big Town from Fallout 3, in the middle of the wasteland with a bridge to get in. There were loads of policemen attacking something nearby, I don’t remember what but a bunch of us got a big hose and started blasting them with all the mud that was all around us to get rid of them.
A few days later two of the policemen came around and picked up me and someone else and they were driving us somewhere explaining ‘we understand that you were angry with us and wouldn’t have minded if you’d done anything else besides spraying us with all that mud and stuff. I got loads in my mouth and now I can’t taste anything.’
They decided that they were going to kill us. We all pulled over outside some derelict house by the side of the road and they dragged us around the back and were about to shoot us when we blinked and suddenly the house wasn’t derelict anymore and neither was the rest of the town because it was suddenly hundreds of years ago.
There was a weird looking guy we couldn’t quite see eating the policemen and he explained that he was one of the gods we can’t remember and that we’d wandered into his time bubble. He was going to eat us too. So we somehow summoned loads of water and got it to form around him and increased the pressure and crushed and drowned the old god in the water and ran away, ending up back outside the ruined house.
Somehow the water was sentient and didn’t like being used to kill gods and it protested by covering everything in a solid form of snow. We eventually got back to our town, which was now a small coastal city in Australia. The snow was everywhere, even filling buildings, but it had a weird consistency and if you squeezed enough it would pop like a bubble and there was only a little bit of water left behind, so people were systematically clearing out the town. Someone realised that the snow was only the first wave, and that it was being used to hide an invasion force that could travel through it more easily that it could through air.
We had to get our mech suits and fly out over the ocean and destroy the massive wall of snow as if was advancing in order to find all of the enemies that were hiding in it so that the regular soldiers could destroy them. There were massive battleships shaped like sea creatures that shot rockets.

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To deep fry chips in a sink.

My dream last night once again involved House MD, this time he was being sent to work as a medic on a spaceship mining an asteroid. He kept delaying take off and everyone thought he was trolling, and eventually they took off. When the got to space and everyone started lining up for their medication House found out that the old medic never used to actually keep any medicine on board except really crap painkillers.
Then they met some aliens and for some reason loads of people from work had to go on a bullying in the workplace seminar given by the most ineffectual person in the building. For some reason the seminar also involved shipping in loads of kids who had been traumatised by bullying and having them learn to train undisciplined pets. I had a small puppy hanging off my finger chewing on it, blood going everywhere and I thought it was really cute and hilarious and everyone was going mad because I wouldn’t tell the puppy off.
So then I was sent on holiday again for some reason, I don’t remember much about that part apart from someone trying to deep fry chips in a sink. When I got back to the seminar it had progressed to having to try and psych-out a poltergeist, which wasn’t working because half the people were ignoring the fact it had flooded the room and the other half had drowned.

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'Unguent' in permanent.

In my dream last night I was in work, except it was a massive lecture hall and one of my primary school teachers was in the middle of telling everyone off. There were loads of really big posters hanging from the ceiling and they looked liked they all had some sort of anti-authority messages printing on them. It turned out that they were there because someone had been going around and changing the letters on them so that they weren’t authority posters anymore.
Mrs Burgess was trying to figure out who had grafitied her posters so, thinking it was a small group of people. She was dragging people up to the front and humiliating them trying to get answers, but it turned out almost everyone had been doing it. Most of them had been clever and subverted the meaning of the posters and things by moving the words around, and then I saw the one I did. I’d just written the word ‘unguent’ in permanent marker on a picture of a sad girl.

Eventually, one of the few people who hadn’t changed the posters stood up and told her to get over herself because she was just acting like a spoiled bully and nobody respected her anyway and she was just making it worse.

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Suits started chasing them.

The part of the dream that I just had that I can remember had credits. It was apparently Jim Jarmusch’s new film and was supposed to be a ‘time travel comedy thriller’, except there was no time travel, it wasn’t funny and nothing thrilling happened.
It started with the kids dressed in like turn of last century school children riding their bikes up a hill to a cliff. For some reason the ground was made of of transparent plastic 2ltr bottles upside down so everything looked it looked like it was loads of bubbles. Then two guys in suits started chasing them down a path in the cliff that led to the beach and started shooting at them, until one of the men just vanished and the other got freaked out that he didn’t know where his partner was. The the one kid noticed his mates were gone. Then the second man was gone and the last kid was just wandering around the bottle floored cliff.
He kept meeting people and having vague conversations with them. He saw a woman pushing a pushchair and she walked over to him and said ‘I’m Sally’, and the boy went ‘no, you’re Kate’ and the woman turned into someone else and said ‘oh yeah, I am.’ Then the boy asked where her pushchair and child had gone and she said she never had one.
Things like this happened for a while, and eventually the kid found a grave with loads of writing on it that apparently explained everything. The last thing I remember before I remember before I woke up was a really long shot of all the writing on the grave but the resolution was too low to be able to read it.

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Dwarf and the crew had.

So in my dream last night I was at the Tiny Rebel Brewery again for their open bar, only it slowly became apparent that all the big vats and things were actually parts of an almost derelict spaceship. It turned out to be the Red Dwarf and the crew had just gotten back to find it like this. They then found that Kochanski had somehow become a demented simulant that was filled with insects for some reason and was running around wrecking up the place. Kryten managed to rip her heart out and then thought it would be funny to leave it in someones bed. Then they managed to clone her again from the heart but she was still evil.
Then suddenly I was watching a video of everyone I know still at the brewery having an amazing time in the gym they’d just put in playing tag or something. Luke was just acting true to form and just causing massive pile-ons. Then someone discovered that if you placed a glass of any liquid on a special light then it would play music and project massive psychedelic things onto the walls around you.
I think I also created a new sit-com that was like a much more violent Only Fools and Horses.

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Plot that I don’t.

So, yeah. In my dream last night someone was remaking M.A.S.H the movie but starring Tilly and the Wall for some reason and they were filming it in the park opposite my house. They got bored and wandered off along the brook and ended up in some weird live action online game that was just a really big village.
Then it just turned into some epic slice of life film where there was a camera just filming a scene, then wandering along the street following a person to see where they go, then maybe following the next person they pass. A bit like Slacker or something. There was an office full of people trying to prove that they didn’t need a manager by working super efficiently while he was on holiday, an evil headmaster, a guy complaining that the mouse to his keyboard was plugged into something nearly a mile up the road from his computer?!
It had some kind of overarching plot that I don’t remember and I woke up before it finished.

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Grave Valley’ in Bettws.

Yeah, so in my dream last night I sat on the upstairs of a bus for the first time in ages and it let me see over one of the really high fences that covered a small part of the side of the road on the way out of Bettws. On the other side of the fence there were loads of really big stonehenge like monuments and what looked like loads of graves.
I got off the bus to investigate and found that there was a gap in the fence for me to get past.
There was a massive valley behind there filled with all sorts of multicoloured gravestones and monuments and a path all the way through. A woman was giving a tour, explaining the history of the valley. It had something to do with both a serial killer and a massive flood or something. We were in a largish car and the path was barely wide enough for a bicycle, and there were some sheer drops but we managed to get by.
At the end of the valley was a big glass house that was prone to instant flooding and was home

 at one point to the killer. We were allowed into the house to explore. It turned out that at one point one of the Consultant’s Secretaries from work was based there, the one who was always complaining that she never received and of the stuff she’d ordered from us. She’d been gone for ages, I only remembered hearing of her a few times after I first started.
It turns out that the reason she’d never got her stuff was that she always wrote ‘Outpatients Department’ on her order book to say where she was based, not ‘Weird Hidden Grave Valley’ in Bettws, so we’d just always deliver it to the other building on-site. We found her order book. It was a bit waterlogged and it turned out she’d been trying to order all sorts of stuff to save her from a flood, marking it all ‘Urgent’. It had all been delivered to the other building 10 years ago. We always did wonder what happened to her.